Walkin' into Fullness

{September 28, 2010}   Waiting on God

I have this little poster on the back of my room door that is titled “Just Wait”, and speaks of the value of waiting on God for answers to prayers, hopes, desires… and even deliverance. I think it’s a lesson that I have to keep learning.

Today Peishan and I read something in a book that I felt was worth sharing. This is to encourage myself, and others who are on that similar arduous journey of being in lack or want but fighting to trust God that His timing and plans are the best.

S.D. Gordon (Quiet Talks on Prayer)

Steadfastness, that is holding on;

Patience, that is holding back;

Expectancy, that is holding the face up;

Obedience, that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do;

Listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.

* * * * *

I am waiting Lord... I am waiting. Don't tarry hor...

A little update on what’s been going on since I’ve been back from the US. I’m into the 4th week of being home now. A lot more settled in emotionally, been catching up with lots of different friends, completed and sent out 2 resumes, exploring other part-time options like teaching drums on the side, and trying to commit to weekly gym and dance classes (so far I’ve got regular ballet, and hoping to make jazz and hip hop open classes part of my routine too). It feels a bit haphazard to me, but I’m trying to hold steady in these uncertain times.

Ideally, I would love to teach dance and commit to a particular school or studio, teach drums on the side, and also get certified as a Pilates instructor so I can incorporate the techniques into my dance lessons. It’s funny though… ‘cuz I keep getting this nagging feeling that I’m not good enough, and I should just abandon this crazy freelance job and get a stable job. Yet… a part of me refuses to let up.

Ah well… I may feel like I’m blundering around… but God has a way of making sense and bringing clarity through people He’s bringing my way. Just gotta keep tuning into what He’s saying… and following in faith.


{August 5, 2010}   Fresh Eats Cafe

I’m at my favorite cafe now. It’s a little place set up by the NGO – Homeland, and they seek to reach out to street kids and provide them with job training and to give them hope for their future.
It’s a lovely respite for me to be here. In the middle of the afternoon, coming down here to this cosy living room-like cafe to prepare for class and do quiet time… grabbing a fresh fruit shake – mango, coconut, jackfruit… for US$1, and getting some internet with the free wireless here. It heartens me to have cafe time.
I missed that so much in Montana because the base was too far from civilization from me (unless i have a car).
My Starbucks time back in Singapore… I’m getting a taste here now in Cambodia… mmmmm.

{July 27, 2010}   Wide Open Doors

Some updates:
We spent Sunday afternoon at Jeevit’s House, a ministry to help HIV-infected (or suspected) kids and orphans. We danced for them, i shared a little testimony about unity in diversity, and then we combed their hair for lice after we washed their hair with anti-lice shampoo. It was honestly a bit hard for me at first.. but I resolved to do the best i could after i got over my initial fear. If this was the way God wanted me to show His love.. i’ll do it. The kids got friendly really fast, and it was great to be able to serve them dinner after and play games with them.

Crystal preached in church on Sunday! It was great to see the kids paying close attention and being touched by what has been shared.

I’m starting to really like some of the girls we are teaching dance to at the rescue house. Am thinking of ways that i could continue to support them even after the outreach. I’m starting to feel that we’ve been blessed with so much so that we can give to those in need.

Last night, Garth, the base leader of the YWAM base in Battambang shared with us about the base and what God has been doing through it.
It’s only 4.5 years old, started through the vision of a short-term outreach team, and has since grown from 4 staff to around 45-55 staff, half of them Cambodians.
They have mercy ministries like Jeevit’s house, partner orphanages and street kids ministries, and their major project – the youth centre – has grown tremendously. At the moment, 500 kids come in every day to learn English (and some take bible and dance classes too).
Garth gave some really interesting statistics…
80% of Cambodians are 30 yrs old and below. The Khmer Rouge has done much to decimate much of the older generation. 42% are below 15 years old.

There’s an amazing opportunity now for us to reach out and support, positively influence and grow the younger generation for they will be the leaders of tomorrow.

Much food for thought…
When God opens the doors so widely… will we enter into it? Or will we shrink back?

{July 21, 2010}   Cambodia Update #2

Sneaking a little internet time before i head back to lunch…. : )

It’s been a really eventful week so far. We’re settling into the routine of painting/sanding/weeding (at the prospective building for the YWAM base expansion) in the mornings, lunch back at the Pastor’s house, prepare and teach dance classes to the girls at the rescue home in the afternoons, dinner back at the Pastor’s house and then team time in the evenings.

I feel so blessed because we’ve been getting comforting home-cooked Chinese food at the Pastor’s place (which is where we are lodging too). Lovely soups and rice and a chicken dish each day. I heard it’s very unlike actual Cambodian food!

Some of us are getting heat rashes and infected bites and poison ivy on our skins though… I need to go find us some snake-brand prickly heat powder and calamine lotion soon. I’m running out of supplies.

It’s been great connecting with the girls at the rescue home. It IS tough sometimes because the girls come late for classes and some get so distracted easily. Yet I feel that I’m training myself to teach well no matter what happens and maintain composure. I trust God’s gonna give enough strength and love to keep on doin’ this. 🙂

I went into Bad-Dreams mode this week again. The past 3 nights have been hard. Took ages to fall asleep.. and then the dreams begin. Wierd, disturbing dreams involving familiar people. Makes me feel horrible when i wake up. I wonder whether it’s just new surroundings.. or it’s spiritual. I did get quite a few when i was in Montana and also in Shangri-la last year during outreach. Sigh.. whatever it is, it’s impossible for me to control it cuz i’m asleep then.  Me needs lots of prayer in this aspect!

Gonna head back now…  Peace out!

Time sure flies. I finished the academic phase of the dance school… all 6 months of performances, choreographies, dance history and anatomy lessons and YWAM community living.. done.

Gonna need to take time to reflect and hold on to the little gems of revelation that God has been growing in me.

Already it feels like a distant memory as new experiences are being created as i get used to outreach life in Battambong, Cambodia. This is definitely one of the most challenging outreaches I’ve been on. No joke about the hot humid weather. I’m taking like 3 showers a day now.. haha. It’s physical labour (tedious weeding and sanding old doors of an old building that’s gonna be part of ywam battambong) in the morning, and teaching dance and maybe English in the afternoon at a rescue home for young gals.

Cambodia to me thus far….

Constant dusty feet. Yummy chinese food at the pastor’s home. Motordobs for transport. Sweet young kids who shout hello every time you walk by. Internet cafes. Tropical fruit galore at the markets. Friendly brown-skinned Khmer people. Blue PVC pipes for ballet barres. Dancing out in the open air and under tents. Hurricane-like downpours in the late afternoons. Lady Gaga’s Poker Face in Khmer. Insects everywhere. Marvellous English class ministry at the Youth Centre in YWAM (500 kids every day who take classes).

I’m exciting to see how Cambodia will progress as this generation of young people grow up with a knowledge of who Jesus is, and being equipped with a good command of English.

Looking forward to planning modern and ballet lessons for the week ahead.

{June 9, 2010}   Silly O Me

Sometimes we need to learn to laugh at ourselves

Sometimes we need to be amused by our failures

Sometimes we just need to be real and not be afraid to be silly

Sometimes we just need people who’ll love us no matter what

{June 6, 2010}   My date with Jesus…

Ahhh.... Spring is here!!

Simple beauty sometimes come in tiny packages

Caught some lovely twits up in the tree

I love my spread and little cosy corner by the brook

Lovely little creek

There's something about mushrooms that never fails to delight me.

Almost naked dandelion... hehe

{May 23, 2010}   Parents….

Today I felt the depth of my parents’ love for me…. and I am so moved beyond words.

Couldn’t stop tearing as I put down the phone on mum.
I really miss them a lot.
And just hearing how much they wanna support me… I just couldn’t take it. I need to work hard to make them proud… I need to be able to provide for them in future.

I felt like I haven’t blogged in ages, and I was a bit shocked to see that only 20 days has passed. I realize the days feel longer when so much is going on. I injured my left ribs almost 3 weeks ago, and I couldn’t dance or walk properly for 2 weeks, and I was in an immense amount of pain. I felt like an old lady ‘cuz it took me a couple of minutes each night to gently ease myself into bed. It was almost hilarious.

But I learnt so much about myself in that 2 weeks of pain.. despite being super grumpy and depressed… and I want to count the things I can give thanks for.

Things I learnt:

1. Dancing gives me a high and an exhilaration that I never realize until i momentarily lost the ability to dance.

2. Dancing IS important to me. I thought I could do without it… well…

3. God always have a reason for allowing things to happen even when you have freakin’ no idea why.

4. I learn to watch and observe… and not just move. It’s amazing how much you actually start noticing.

5. God DOES answer prayers… no matter how weak you feel when you’re prayin ’em.

Got reminded about how Peppy must have felt when she injured her eye and she had to wear a dreaded collar that was so burdensome.

I got a crazy number of things to rejoice about too:

1. My anatomy teacher, Susan, who’s also a chiropractor, gave me free checkups and ultrasound therapy treatments for free. She’s a really generous and kind soul, and mummies all the dancers. Love her to bits… and her 3 dogs too. Hee.

2. I was shown a lot of grace and love by my SODS friends and staff, and also for caring staff like Becky, who drove me for checkups… really moved by her big heart.

3. For people back home and here who kept praying with me, and loving on me during the blues.

4. That I ACTUALLY got better suddenly last weekend, just before our last guest artist came this week. Perfect timing. But i’ll rather think it was God who allowed that. I used to be skeptical about divine healing and stuff… but I’m starting to really believe that God did do something. The ease in the pain was a bit too sudden… anyhow, I don’t understand it, but i’m grateful. Haha

After our showing of the new reggae/modern piece that Steve taught us 🙂 I love this piece... it's a light hearted one about rejoicing 'cuz Jesus is your best friend.

Our guest artist... Steve Rooks from New York! He's truely amazing. I love the way he teaches, imparts and nurtures each student.

Peace out for now….

This is random.. but i’m suddenly thinking bout the dance gals back home. Excited for them that GDOP is coming and they’ll be dancing for this huge event. What a God-given opportunity. More, God… more!

She lay quietly in the darkness, eyes wide open as she reflected on the day. The coldness of the ice pack against her ribs was perhaps what was keeping her so wide awake…
It had been a long day, much like the ones before it.
Restlessness has been creeping in lately, despite the busyness of school work and lectures and workshops.
A yearning to be able to speak with beloved friends overseas… face to face and not just through emails that she could barely find time to reply. A yearning to love once more and be loved in return. A yearning to be healed soon, both inside and out.

She sighed.
How long, O God…?

Something resounded in her heart tonight. Watching two friends choreograph a duet phrase, and then hearing a piece of beautiful music sit right in with the movements as they put the two together for the first time. Sheer beauty brought forth in a moment of chance. Perhaps choreographers keep doing what they do because they are addicted to this feeling… an almost indescribable quiet euphoria as music and movement melt into one, supporting gently yet firmly, and giving voice to each other.

She smiled.

Perhaps it was naive. But she decided that she was gonna make that a life long aim. To create works of art that would move the hearts of men, to create beauty that would turn the eyes of men to the heart of the ultimate creator.

It’s bed time…

et cetera